More Bird Jokes

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March 15, 2012bird BirdsNo comments

 

Q. Why do owls avoid making love in a storm?
A. Because it’s too wet to woo

A bird in the hand is not good table manners.

Q. What kind of bird opens doors?
A. A kiwi!

Q. What kind of birds do you find in church?
A. Birds of prey.

Q. What language do birds speak?
A. Pigeon English!

Q. What’s a duck’s favourite TV programme?
A. The feather forecast.

Q. Where do birds invest their money?
A. In the stork market!

Q. Where do blind sparrows go for treatment?
A. The Birds Eye counter

Q. Which birds steal soap from the bath?
A. Robber ducks!

Q. Which kind of bird picks up heavy things?
A. A crane!

When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?

Q. What do you call a giant goose? Humungoose!
A. ..another singer

Q. How do you turn a duck into a soul singer in an hour and a half?
A. Put it in the oven until it`s Bill Withers

Q: What is the difference between a poor rifleman and a constipated owl?
A: A poor rifleman shoots and can`t hit, an owl hoots but…

Q. What’s invisible and smells of worms?
A. A sparrow’s fart!

Q. What birds spend all their time on their knees?
A. Birds of prey.

Q. What do you call a very rude bird?
A. A mockingbird.

Q. Where do birds meet for coffee?
A. In a nest-cafe.

Q. What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?
A. Fowl play.

Q. What language do birds speak?
A. Pigeon English.

Q. What do you give a sick bird?
A. Tweetment.

Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A. A bird that will talk you ear off.

Q. What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A. He didn’t give a hoot.

Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A great walkie-talkie.

Q. How do you identify a bald eagle?
A. All his feathers are combed over to one side.

Q. How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
A. With it’s sparrowchute!

Q. What is green and pecks on trees?
A. Woody Wood Pickle!

Q, Why did the owl, owl?
A. Because the woodpecker would peck ‘er!

Q. What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
A. A firequaker!

Q. What do you call a bird that lives underground?
A. A mynah bird!

Q. What kind of birds do you usually find locked up?
A.  Jail-birds!

Q. Why did the chicken cross the “net”?
A. It wanted to get to the other site!

Q. What birds are found in Portugal?
A. Portu-geese!

Q. What is the difference between a fly and a bird?
A. A bird can fly but a fly can’t bird!

Q. Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
A. The parrots eat em all (Paracetamol)

Q. What’s the definition of Parity?
A. Two parrots exactly the same!

Q. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A. A carrot!

Q. What is a parrot?
A. A wordy birdy!

Q. What does an educated owl say?
A. Whom.

Q. What do confused owls say?
A. Too-whit-to-why?

Q. What did the baby owl’s parents say when he wanted to go to a party?
A. You’re not owld enough

Q. What do Scottish owls sing?
A. Owld Lang Syne.

Two owls were playing pool. One said, “Two hits.” The other replied, “Two hits to who?”

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